In this moment.
06.03.2014 9 °C
I know that this is something I want to do, there's no question, but that doesn't stop my idle mind from wondering a series of what if's and in general, questioning the overall intent of this trip, and the length too...one year?! Crazyness...
I've moved out of my place now, and I head to Calgary tomorrow. It's weird to see my place, void of all things that make it "me", and now inhabited by others...as I knock on the door of the place I've lived in for the past three years - it's certainly feeling provoking.
My little Boo is set-up at my friends place, and I am so thankful she is in such a loving, safe, caring, home. It is exactly the type of situation I would have hoped for, so for that I am ever so grateful. However, still breaks my heart to see that it's not longer her and me, partners in crime. I get it, and I've thought long and hard about it, and I know that in a year I will look back and we'll be cuddling in my bed, and all will be restored -our little games, our laughs - but for now, for now my heart hurts, but I think that's okay....I think that's normal.
I randomly ran into two friends who I hadn't yet seen that I wanted to before I headed off - one on the seawall whilst I was going for a run, the other whilst biking home from the bank, and I just happened to decide to go up a particular street, so that I could leave something at my other friends house, and the only reason I had that something, is because I had been at my favorite place (Templeton), and they told me my friend forgot their debit card, on a previous night of being there.... it's neat how each and every moment tends to seem so incredibly purposeful when looking back... and it's moments like that that make me feel I'm on the right path, and that the universe is on my side. . . maybe I'm simply trying to create a story out of nothing, but maybe not, too...both are equally as likely....one perhaps even more so.
I've been thinking a lot about leaving, and what that means. It evokes quite the array of emotions, one being gratitude. I've been trying to think about what it is about leaving that makes everything seem so incredibly amazing, and makes you question leaving it all in the first place. And, in scribbling down some thoughts in my head I came up with this.....
"That the moment you are going to leave your current life gets a flash of brilliance and maybe what I ought to take from that is not just that things are good when you’re about to leave, but that things ARE good, in general… and if we just stopped for a moment to appreciate (which is essentially what we do when we leave…because we recognize we will be without this person or that space..etc)… we would realize it was here all along, and it’s always amazing, at every moment, we revel in it."
So.... with that, I have of course been trying to revel in each moment left, but not because I'm leaving, just because it IS, I am, and we are. And, I will try to take this new found logic with me wherever I go, to not miss a beat, and to be present to each moment...because people say the moment is all we have, and I'm starting to understand what that truly means.